2015 Skoda Superb (a.zavatskiy/Bigstock.com)
You can't tell jokes about Skodas any more. They simply don't make any sense. Skodas are good – very good. The recently updated Skoda Superb, for example, offers the kind of performance, styling and kit you'd expect for an extra £10,000. The brand also topped the 2015 JD Power Dependability Survey. Not bad for a car that used to be the butt of so many automotive one-liners.
So maybe it's time to update some of the most memorable Skoda jokes, given the Czech brand's Lazarus-style reinvention under Volkswagen.
We warn you, they're not funny.
1. Why do Skodas have heated rear windscreens?
New punch-line: To effectively clear condensation and ice from the glass in order to improve visibility for the driver.
Old punch-line: To keep your hands warm while you're pushing it.
2. How do you double the price of a Skoda?
New punch-line: Buy every item on the options list
Old punch-line: Fill up the tank with petrol
3. Have you got a wing mirror for my Skoda?
New punch-line: Yes, it'll cost you £45.99
Old punch-line: Okay, seems like a fair swap
4. What do you call a Skoda driver who says he's had a speeding ticket?
New punch-line: A teller of plausible tales
Old punch-line: A liar
5. What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof?
New punch-line: Hard to say, all new Skodas are now available with a sun roof option
Old punch-line: A skip
6. I’ve just bought the new 16 valve Skoda...
New punch-line: It's called a 16-valve Octavia
Old punch-line: 4 in the engine, 12 in the radio! (older readers may better understand this)
7. How do you overtake a Skoda?
New punch-line: wait for a safe place to overtake and accelerate
Old punch-line: Run
8. What colour shall I get my Skoda in?
New punch-line: You can choose from a range of appealing contemporary colours, including metallic jungle green, corrida red and candy white
Old punch-line: It doesn't matter, it'll go brown with rust after a week
9. How do you make a policeman laugh?
New punch-line: spend some time getting to know him in order to understand his sense of humour, then tell him some appropriate anecdotes or jokes.
Old punch-line: Tell him your Skoda just got nicked
10. I bought the top-spec Skoda...
New punch-line: ...this one came with Apple CarPlay, parking assistance and side rear impact airbags.
Old punch-line: ...this one came with an engine.